David Cameron's made a bit of a Twit of himself. Pause for laughter.
In an interview on Absolute Radio - the station which overthrew Constitutional Radio in a bloody coup six months ago - Cameron was asked why he hadn't joined the serried ranks of MPs and public figures using Twitter to keep in touch with the public. His reply was covered by almost all media, but for all the wrong reasons:
"I'm not on Twitter. I think that; politicians, we have to think about what we say and I think the trouble with Twitter, the instantness of it, is that I think too many twits might make a twat."
Now there has been lots of commentary on all this and most of it just goes to show how bland our politics has become that the most interesting thing the press can say about David Cameron is that he said a swear.
But I think this whole episode says a lot about the "new" Tories.
Firstly - they've obviously learned and almost perfected the New Labour cynical manipulation of the media. Cameron went on a "yoof" radio station and accidentally used bad language because, you see, he's just such a man of the people that he couldn't help "connecting" with the young audience and being "relevant".
Well excuse me! It's possible that Call-me-Dave is, in fact, a rapier-witted wordsmith of uncanny verbal dexterity - but his weekly paint-by-numbers exploits at PMQs suggest otherwise. He can talk in full sentences, walk upright and knows which fork to use but Oscar Wilde he ain't.
"Too many twits make a twat" is such a great line and so perfect for the audience that there's no way he came up with it on the spur of the moment - he might as well have refered to "a .22 mind in a .357 magnum world." By just expressing outrage, the nation's media were being played like a cheap fiddle - and they didn't even know it.
Secondly - The defence from "aides" is one of the most conservative you could ever wish to hear. Saying "twat" isn't offensive, says Camp David, because Ofcom, the media regulator has published an official list of swearwords that are offensive and "twat" isn't on there. Ipso Facto!
Now, I find the whole Offence Industry vaguely and ironically offensive in the first place - I don't understand when and how saying something meaningful (the only way to never offend anyone is to never mean anything) became something to be avoided - but this is surely worse. The Conservative Party say that you cannot possibly have been offended by something because the State has provided a list of offensive things and he didn't do anything wrong.
Huh?!
Thirdly - and most damning - listen to what he says just before the T-word crops up. He doesn't like the instantness of Twitter. Presumably he wants to be able to hide away, like so many politicians past, behind briefings and lobby correspondents and press releases and spin. Having a direct line of communication with the voters and vice versa would threaten this cosy little arrangement - which is of course, why I and other liberals like it so much and why Lib Dem MPs were the first on Facebook and the biggest contingent on Twitter too.
Cameron doesn't want to have to change anything he doesn't have to about the old ways of getting things done in Westminster and he certainly doesn't want the uppity little voters @replying every time he does something bad. Let's all remember that next time he comes along with his open collar and bambi eyes and pontificates about being the party of "change".
